The Swine Flu's first victim!

How this all started...

I have found the perfect idea for Summer Vacation-The Somali Cruise!

Subject: Somali Cruise Package

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The cost is a bit high @ $800 US per person double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive. What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)

M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95

Ak-47 rifle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at 14.95

Barretta M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95

Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads

"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."

Meals are not included but seem reasonable.

Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....

"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"

Sign my ars up!

They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.

"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by20at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."

As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials

"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"---- Lars, Hamburg Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.

"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.
---Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA

Me thinks the Swine Flu is complete nonsense.

C'mon, people!

We have 30,000 people die every year right here in the USA from the ordinary flu. Why is this on TV all the time, AND the lead story on the news??

I'm just waiting for someone on TV to blame this on George W. Bush!

Take care of yourself, if you feel sick go see your doctor. No biggie.

Finally, the pool temperature has risen!

Yea! Finally can get in the water around here! This spring has been WAY too cold and wet for too long.

The floats are blown up, and ready for the water.

C'mon over and help us break in the summer!

Oh, Susan - A Poem for you, too!

Susan McCleary Rydell is a happy woman
just by looking at her we all can tell

Our time together in Houston ended too soon
as little by little McCleary was becoming Rydell

Up to Dallas for some time with SMU
and I-35 kept saying, go north with you.

Cleveland- now Hudson claims her pretty smile
It looks like Ohio will keep her for a while.

But in 52 days we will all again gather
back in Houston to see old friends that matter.

I'm hoping that among all the friends we know so well
that a car, or plane will bring us Susan McCleary Rydell!

The best things in life.....

While she is only a heartbeat away, if only for today
knowing that she will always be as close tomorrow.

Even when my tomorrow is a thousand miles away
with eyes tightly closed she can be here in an instant.

A dream can go on all night long and be so real
and only by opening your eyes can the dream continue.

To reach out in the dark only to find it cold, dark and empty
can make a long day turn into an even longer night.

The quiet sounds of slow, deep breathing can be so intoxicating
even in the dark of night a clear beauty is in my mind.

How can it be that one woman has so much power
without knowing, wanting or even thinking it could be possible?

Soft shadows outline beauty as is rarely seen, or imagined
and few can ever dream of touching, watching or tasting her.

Many nights come with cold, dark sounds of strange places
but with this night will come another dream of a woman at home.

Stick it, IRS!

I fell like such an enabler today as our check to the IRS has been mailed. It's not enough that they have taken money each couple of weeks all year long - it wasn't enough, AGAIN.

So, those of us who actually have a job, and work every day once again are paying others not to. Thank you, Uncle Sam. What a great system. 10 percent of our population pays over 70% of all taxes. Nearly 40% out there pay zero - and that number keeps getting bigger and bigger. Soon, there won't be enough of us left to pay for those who choose to sit on the porch and watch the traffic drive by.

So, go ahead and ignore the problem- enjoy American Idle or what ever other TV program that has taken over your brain. I just hope that you have saved some gold coins, ammo and Jack Daniel's liquor - because you will need that to trade for fuel to get to the country soon enough when the cities are taken over by the ignorant masses that come looking for you to feed them and their bastard children.

Good luck.

R.I.P. Ashes, the cat

Ashes, our beloved cat died today. He will be missed by us as he was always there for us and asked nothing in return for his love.

When will Football get here??

I can't fault you Ranger's baseball fans out there who still have hope as it is only April and the Rangers aren't dead yet - but this is about my Dallas Cowboys!

This new stadium is awesome! It will have the largest TV screen on the planet for everyone to see the replays and of course, Jerry World ads. The Betty and I went ahead a paid too much for our Personal Seat License and tickets again this year. And the city of Arlington isn't ready yet with roads and traffic planning but we are excited anyway and ready to go!

Now, if we can just get Tony Romo to pull his head outta his ass long enough to concentrate on football this spring we can have some hope. I know his Jessica is Hot and all - but c'mon MAN we need you to bring back the 'boys to the BIG GAME this year. So, put yer pecker on hold for a while and get serious about EARNING those guaranteed $31MM and win me a playoff game!

Hope for one last summer

Ashes, the cat has earned all his lives, and now is on the back end of number nine.

Many years ago, maybe 18 or so while Betty and I were outside sitting in the driveway solving the world's problems with some Crown Royal, a little cat with half a tail appeared. He looked like someone's pet, but the poor thing only had half a tail. The little guy wouldn't let you get near him, but you could watch him all you wanted. The Betty and I were in a habit of holding "court" out front with some of the neighbors back then and court was in session most every night.

Soon after we first saw our new neighborhood Tom, we found that he would come over to observe these strange people who seemed to live outside with him. The little guy didn't have any tags on or any collar but he had the most beautiful markings, like a Himalayan cat does with the long silver and gray markings. He was such a regular around the house now, I decided that I would name him “Smokey.” Smokey gained enough courage now to wander into our garage and now had decided that the best place to sleep in the neighborhood was on top of my convertible Corvette. Now, me being an animal lover and all I needed a plan to make this cat a home but at the same time I had to keep the ‘vette from getting it’s soft convertible top from becoming the neighborhood scratch post. I hate to encourage bad behavior but ol’ Smokey was becoming like family around here. Betty had even started putting food outside in the garage with a water bowl and everything. I couldn’t imagine why this new cat would ever leave his new family.

One evening the neighbor lady from across the street and a couple of doors down came over and saw HER cat sitting on top of our car. She had just now missed ol’ Smokey I guess and came over looking for him. Turns out our cat had a name all his own; Ashes. I guess the name I chose was close to Ashes, but since then Smokey became Ashes. Neighbor lady now says, “if that cat is bothering you we can get rid of him.” I couldn’t believe she said that, you just don’t get rid of your own pet! I should have guessed by the way the cat was always at our house and didn’t even have a collar that his owner wasn’t a very good pet owner. So, we explained to her that Ashes was no trouble and please don’t take him to the pound. Other than not being a good pet owner this lady seemed nice enough, but we didn’t ever ask HER to watch our other pets when we went on vacation!

One summer that lady and her family moved away. We knew that they were leaving but didn’t know exactly when. Then, they were gone. Only thing was, Ashes the cat didn’t get on the Mayflower moving van with them.

Ashes had a new home-with us.

Even now with Ashes being part of the family he still treated us like old news. No petting me, mister! I’m just fine sitting here on the seat of your Harley, thank you. We couldn’t let Ashes in the house because we had dogs in there and another cat that actually got along with dogs, but not cats. We found that out real fast when Betty moved in with her cat and the fight was on! From that day forward, Betty’s cat had the Master bedroom and bath and the other cat had the rest of the place. But, that’s another story.

Ashes now had Betty trained. The walk-up cat now had matching food/water bowls, a home-made bed and even a mat you plug in with a heater for the winter. Nice too, he still uses it even now.

Lots of summers and winter came and ol’ Ashes had finally let you pet him, but only if he decided to let you. We would be sitting outside and he would wander up “in the area” and just sit with us. He might even walk by and rub on us, marking his property just in case those other cats inside didn’t know who owned us! We might be able to rub his head when he wanted but that’s about it, mister! What kind of cat do you think I am?

Spring came and Betty is out planting flowers like always, but now she has a new helper! Ashes now followed Betty everywhere and would be real helpful by sitting on the new plants or digging ‘em up for her, too. I guess he didn’t like Betty planting stuff in his bathroom, since he would be in there making regular deposits just like a banker. The two of them eventually came to terms, though. Ashes would walk along and watch by sitting on the pavestones next to Betty and purr with approval as the roses bloomed or the lilies made their Easter time appearance.

More years go by and now Ashes will not only rub on your legs, but actually jump in your lap during court. Not for everyone, but at least for me and the B. We had really gotten used to him being right there for us each night. He might wander across the street or go a couple of doors down to see what snacks were available, but he knew who’s car to sleep on at night and always came around in time for lights out. We would keep the garage door cracked just enough to let him come and go when he needed. One morning, I go outside and Ashes is sleeping in his bed with a possum! Side by side, curled up together. We wondered how he was eating so much and now we knew- he had made a friend. This didn’t really bother me, but I did wonder what about all the other possum; where were they? I guess we had a stray possum now too, at least for a while. Mr. Possum didn’t stay long enough for us to name him and one morning he was gone.

Four years ago we decided to move to Trophy Club. Except for Dollar dog, Ashes was our only other pet living now. Five other pets made the move with us and still are comfortable in their “boxes” on the living room book shelf. Since Ashes had always been an outside cat, moving him into the house wasn’t an option because Dollar would kill him – not because he wanted to, it is just that he weighs 75 pounds more and “plays” too rough. Plus, Ashes has those claws and all. I had already given up saving my cars with the scratches bumper to bumper but no way Betty is giving up on the leather furniture. So, we loaded up Ashes in his cage and moved him into the new house. Hearing all those stories about how animals don’t take to moving very well, we kept him is a small bathroom for two whole weeks, but did let him out to the garage with the door down so he could sleep on HIS cars. I guess he figured if the cars moved to Trophy Club, that would be good enough for him, too. After three weeks, the garage was again ALL his with the door up for him to explore his new yard with a pool, too.

The problem is the pool is in Dollar’s back yard. Since Ashes likes to hold court with us he now wanted to come into Dollar’s yard to be with us by the pool and this just won’t work. One time he jumped the gate faster that I can yell for Dollar to stop and Dollar had him down by the neck! But, he didn’t bite him, just wanted to play! But, we can’t have any of that, so we would put Dollar on a tie-out and let Ashes join us for pool time. This worked for the last three summers just fine.

I imaging that Ashes is about 18 years old now, and I am afraid that he has seen his last Christmas. He never did like going on a car trip as they only go to the vet as far as he knows. This last car trip two weeks ago didn’t go well for Betty, either. Ashes has stopped following Betty to the flower beds and will now only eat a bite or two. The once spry guy who would jump fences to be with us can barely make his way onto the warm mat for naps now.

Even grilled chicken, his favorite can’t coax him into managing more than a few bites. His little body is showing some ribs now and I am afraid that he is letting us know that he has chased his last mouse around back. Many times he would bring us one (or half a one) to the back door, so proud of his accomplishment. Our vet wants us to bring him in every week for a B-12 shot, but he hates the car ride so much I am not sure the stress on him is worth it. I think he just wants us to leave him alone now. It hurts again to see the final stages of a life long friendship that has given us so much joy for all these years. I just hope that lil’ Ashes can make one more summer with us all - before he finally gets to join us inside the house in the living room in a box of his own.