Thoughts from 30,000 feet up.

What is really going on with the latest Health Care ruling?

2011-02-02T12:29:00.003-06:00

By RANDY E. BARNETT
AND ELIZABETH PRICE FOLEY

For months, progressives smugly labeled the legal challenges to ObamaCare as "silly" or even "frivolous." Today their confidence must be severely shaken.

Late Monday afternoon in Pensacola, Fla., U.S. District Court Judge Roger Vinson delivered the second major judgment that the centerpiece of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act—the "individual mandate" that forces Americans to buy health insurance whether or not they want it—is unconstitutional.

In December, District Court Judge Henry Hudson ruled against the mandate in a separate lawsuit brought by the state of Virginia. But Judge Vinson's sweeping and powerfully reasoned decision this week went much further, striking down the entire health-reform law on the grounds that the individual mandate was not severable from the rest of the statute. And the plaintiffs in Judge Vinson's courtroom included the attorneys general of 26 states, not just one. His opinion thus casts a dark shadow over ObamaCare until the Supreme Court issues a final ruling on the matter.

Consider the problems posed by the insurance mandate. The Obama administration argued that it was supported by the Commerce Clause, which gives Congress the power to regulate interstate commerce. True enough, insurance is commerce, but not buying insurance is the antithesis of commerce. Commerce has always been understood as requiring economic activity. This was the rationale Judge Hudson adopted in striking down the individual mandate in the Virginia case.

The government's lawyers in the Florida case insisted that not buying health insurance was somehow different from a failure to buy other products like clothes or food. They said health insurance was "unique" because, eventually, everyone will seek and obtain health care. And if they aren't insured, the costs will be shifted onto others, thus substantially affecting commerce.

Judge Vinson rejected this argument, recognizing that "not consuming" other products, such as food, is also unavoidable and can have substantial effects on other commercial markets. "There is quite literally no decision that, in the natural course of events, does not have an economic impact of some sort," he wrote. "The decisions of whether and when (or not) to buy a house, a car, a television, a dinner, or even a morning cup of coffee also have a financial impact that—when aggregated with similar economic decisions—affect the price of that particular product or service and have a substantial effect on interstate commerce."

Recognizing the vulnerability of relying on the Commerce Clause alone, the Obama administration in the Florida case shifted its emphasis to the Necessary and Proper Clause of the Constitution. That clause empowers Congress to enact "all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution" its enumerated powers. As the Supreme Court has repeatedly explained, the Necessary and Proper Clause does not expand the scope of Congress's enumerated powers. Instead, it gives Congress the ability to select among various means of exercising them—for example, the enumerated power to "establish post offices" necessarily and properly includes a power to print stamps.

The Obama administration claimed that the individual mandate is a necessary and proper means of carrying out its reforms in the health-insurance market. These reforms include requiring insurers to offer coverage to those with pre- existing conditions, to extend coverage to dependents up to age 26, and to eliminate lifetime coverage caps. Because these reforms make health insurance more expensive, the government's lawyers claim that unless everyone is forced to buy health insurance, too many healthy people will sit on the market sidelines as "free riders" until they become ill. So in order to make the "reformed" health-insurance market work, it's necessary and proper to force everyone to buy insurance.

Judge Vinson flatly rejected the administration's attempt to escape the restrictions of the Commerce Clause by appealing to the Necessary and Proper Clause. His decision acknowledges that, while reforming an insurance market is a regulation of commerce, Congress cannot artificially create its own "free rider" crisis in the insurance market and then use that crisis to justify an otherwise unconstitutional mandate as "necessary and proper" to save the market from collapse.

This novel use of the Necessary and Proper Clause, if allowed to stand, would fundamentally transform our constitutional scheme from limited to unlimited federal power, narrowing the scope of individual liberty. In Judge Vinson's words, "the more harm the statute does, the more power Congress could assume for itself under the Necessary and Proper Clause. This result would, of course, expand the Necessary and Proper Clause far beyond its original meaning, and allow Congress to exceed the powers specifically enumerated in Article I."

Rep. Marsha Blackburn on the health-care ruling.

One crucial difference between the Florida and Virginia decisions relates to the breadth of the remedy. While both courts agreed that the individual mandate was unconstitutional, the Virginia decision merely declared the mandate alone to be unconstitutional—the rest of ObamaCare was unaffected. But Judge Vinson concluded that the individual mandate could not be "severed" from the rest of the law, and so the entire law must be struck down.

The judge had little choice: The Obama administration itself argued that the individual mandate was inextricably intertwined with the rest of ObamaCare. So if the mandate fell, the whole scheme was doomed to collapse as a legal matter. "There are simply too many moving parts in the Act and too many provisions dependent (directly and indirectly) on the individual mandate and other health insurance provisions," he held, "for me to try and dissect out the proper from the improper, and the able-to-stand-alone from the unable-to-stand-alone."

The Obama administration attempted to cloak an unprecedented and unsupportable exercise of federal power in the guise of a run-of-the-mill Commerce Clause regulation. When the weakness of that theory was exposed, it retreated to the Necessary and Proper Clause and the taxing power. Judge Vinson's decisive rejection of all these theories is another significant victory for individual liberty—the ultimate purpose of federalism—and it lays the intellectual groundwork for every decision on the mandate yet to come.

Mr. Barnett is a professor of constitutional law at Georgetown University Law Center. Ms. Foley is a professor of constitutional and health care law at Florida International University College of Law.

More consequences of the New Health Care laws

2011-01-30T11:33:00.003-06:00

By SARAH KLIFF & J. LESTER FEDER | 1/27/11 1:29 PM EST

Health insurers in 34 states have stopped selling child-only insurance policies as a result of the health reform law, and the market continues to destablize.

According to a survey of state insurance departments by Republican Senate committee staff and obtained by POLITICO, states that have seen carriers exit the market include those that have been ardent supporters of the health reform law, like California and Oregon. Twenty states now have no insurers offering child-only policies.

Since September, the health reform law has barred insurers from withholding policies to children under 19 who have a pre-existing condition. Rather than take on the burdensome cost of writing policies for potentially-pricey medical conditions, many carriers decided to leave the market altogether.

The Department of Health and Human Services responded by changing the rule to allow states to institute an open enrollment period for child-only health insurance plans. The move was meant to stop subscribers from jumping on plans only when they were diagnosed with a medical condition.

But the regulation seems to have done little to stop carriers from leaving the market.

“We only know of one company [a local affiliate of Blue Cross Blue Shield] offering child-only health insurance,” Dan Honey, Deputy Commissioner for Life and Health in the Arkansas Department of Insurance, said Thursday. “The actual law federal law requires no underwriting for pre-existing conditions, which means guaranteed issue. Of course once HHS came out with that directive, that’s when a lot of companies started balking.”

One of the largest insurance markets in the country, Texas, has seen all their carriers drop child-only health insurance, as have other large states including Florida and Illinois.

Other states that no longer have carriers selling child-only plans include Alaska, Arizona, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Minnesota, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, West Virginia and Wyoming, according to the investigation by GOP staff on the Senate Health, Labor and Pensions Committee.

Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyo.) pressed Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius on the issue at a Thursday morning hearing.

“It’s absolutely devastating,” Enzi said. “The outcome is predictable as a result of the drafting that would allow people to buy a policy on the way to the emergency room.”

Please! Put a sock in it for a bit, Sarah!

2011-01-23T11:20:00.002-06:00

Why America is growing tired of Palin

SARAH PALIN

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January 20, 2011|By Gloria Borger, CNN Senior Political Analyst

OK, you've got Palin fatigue. Not to worry. So does much of the country: The latest CNN poll shows that 56 percent of Americans view her unfavorably.

More damaging, though, is this: Sarah Palin's unfavorable rating among women has gone up 10 points. And 59 percent of those all-important independent voters don't like her -- and that's up a stunning 14 points in just a few months.

You might argue it's because of the debate surrounding the Tucson shootings -- specifically, Palin's tone-deaf response to the unfair charges that she was somehow responsible for a deranged shooter's state of mind. And that could well be part of it. But there's more: She's completely overstayed her welcome.

We've watched her morph from the hockey mom into a multi-media extravaganza that knocks on our door every day to sell something, without any invitation.

When Sarah Palin was air-dropped onto the national scene, she was just what the GOP ordered. Republicans were looking for something new to cheer about. In Palin, they found it -- along with a reason to support John McCain. McCain's views on certain issues were, well, complex. Palin's were not. She was a burst of energy, a breath of fresh air, a new flame (pick your cliché) that attracted new supporters for a troubled campaign.

McCain lost, but Palin won.

Now, something is changing. Her staunch supporters are still there, to be sure, but Republicans are getting antsy, even nervous. In GOP circles, she's beginning to be seen as toxic in any presidential race. The whispers (which have always been there among the establishment) are starting to become public.

The editorial page editor of The Washington Examiner -- which defended Palin in the 2008 campaign -- opines about the "public exhaustion" with Palin. Mark Tapscott notes how Palin "has been here, there and everywhere for several months" and how "too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing when there is no escaping the good thing." Exactly.

Even the politicians, ever the lagging indicator, are starting see some benefit in chipping away at the Palin veneer. After all, there's now a sense that she's maxed out. There's nothing she can say anymore to woo new people who are not already in her corner.

So why not try and get the rest? How else to explain presidential wannabe Newt Gingrich's admonition the other day that Palin "should be more careful and think through what she's saying and how she's saying it?" This coming, of course, from a man who once compared himself to Napoleon. Or likely GOP contender Tim Pawlenty's admission that Palin's move to put cross hairs on a map of the districts of vulnerable Democrats "wouldn't have been my style"?

These men read the polls. They understand that any unfavorable rating above 50 percent is almost impossible to undo. And while they don't want to alienate Palin's supporters -- they have to win in GOP primaries, after all -- they clearly believe that criticizing Palin, even meekly, is no longer a fool's errand. "She's an enormous problem for us," says one GOP strategist. "She has a loyal following, and any time you criticize her, it convinces her followers she is more right. And you get demonized."

All of which explains the GOP tiptoeing. GOP presidential contenders may be trying to wait and see if she runs. (Why alienate her followers for no reason?) Or, they would love to see someone take her on -- like a Mike Huckabee, for instance -- with the understanding that the candidacy could become sacrificial. So who is going to sign up for that?

Not many. The hope for some Republicans is that Palin will literally tweet her way out of our hearts. The books, the reality TV, the family psycho-dramas, the never-ending internet "thought bubbles" could just be enough to drive even those who like her over the edge. And, sure, we in the press are part of this uber-coverage, behaving as if every 140-character thought is worth some conversation. It isn't. As Erick Erickson, the editor of the conservative RedState.com and a CNN contributor, told me, it's not really about what Palin has achieved. "By 2012," he says, "people are going to be so tired of her they're going to want to avoid eye contact. It's not fair, but it's reality."

And there's one more thing we can't forget: Voters actually like positive leaders who inspire them. Relentless negativity can work, to be sure. Yet in the end, Americans gravitate to those who make us feel good about who we are capable of becoming.

Successful candidacies and presidencies are not just about the foibles of the opposition. They're about our own ability -- as John McCain was fond of saying -- to become a part of something greater than ourselves. Palin, alas, is still stuck on the "me" part.

Today is the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's inaugural address. Its idealistic calls for national service and civility -- combined with a dedication to human rights and commitment to the control of arms -- remain an eloquent definition of our national aspirations.

It was short, but no tweet.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Gloria Borger.

No toys - but enjoy your pot little guy.

2010-11-11T09:46:00.001-06:00

San Francisco bans Happy Meals with toys

November 09, 2010|By Michael Martinez, CNN

The San Francisco, California, Board of Supervisors on Tuesday banned most McDonald's Happy Meals with toys, as they're now served.

The ordinance, which requires McDonald's and other fast-food servings with toys to meet new nutritional standards, now goes to Mayor Gavin Newsom, who indicated before his election last week to California lieutenant governor that he would veto the law.

That veto would be meaningless because the board approved the ordinance 8-3, a veto-proof margin. With eight votes, the board could override the veto.

The new law, which San Francisco officials hope other cities will adopt in battling a child obesity epidemic, was a defeat for McDonald's, which led the fight against the measure.

"As previously stated, we are extremely disappointed with this decision. It's not what our customers want, nor is it something they asked for," said McDonald's spokeswoman Danya Proud.

Proud said public opinion is against such government intervention.

"Any fair and objective review of our menu and the actions we've taken will demonstrate we've added multiple options for parents to choose. This includes Apple Dippers (bagged, sliced, pre-peeled apples), low-fat one percent milk, 100 percent apple juice and Chicken McNuggets made with white meat," Proud said in a statement. "And, as we have stated all along, we are committed to doing even more."

The new law addresses how toys and other marketing freebies entice kids to buy fast-food meals that are high in fat and calories, said Supervisor Eric Mar. He initiated the proposal because his fifth-grade daughter is in the 6-to-11 age group that has seen obesity rates quadruple over the past 30 years, the same time that the Happy Meal has been on the market.

"This is a simple and modest policy that holds fast food accountable," Mar said.

Before Tuesday's vote, Mar cited a study released this week by Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, which examined 12 popular restaurant chains and found only 12 out of more than 3,000 kids' meal combinations met the nutritional guidelines for preschool-aged kids.

The study said the fast food industry spent $4.2 billion on advertising in 2009 and found that 40 percent of preschool-aged children ask to go to McDonald's on a weekly basis, and 15 percent ask on a daily basis. Also, 84 percent of parents say they've taken their children to eat fast food at least once in the past week.

Under the law, McDonald's and other restaurants will have until December 2011 to improve their meals' nutrition by adding fruits and vegetables -- if the chains want to keep offering toys, including those promoting the latest films.

The food and beverages will have to contain fewer than 600 calories, and less than 35 percent of total calories will come from fat. The meal must contain half a cup of fruit and three-fourths cup of vegetables, and offer less than 640 milligrams of sodium and less than 0.5 milligrams of trans fat. Breakfast will have the option of offering half cups of fruit or vegetables.

City officials said they expect a legal challenge from McDonald's, which declined to comment on possible legal action.

Mack Brown chats with Jerry Jones about football

2010-10-26T14:35:00.001-05:00

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7436693

Texas Rangers enjoy the moment. Finally!

2010-10-25T16:27:00.000-05:00

Rangers enjoy Texas-sized moment

Unique blend delivers club's first American League pennant

By Peter Gammons / MLB.com

It took 50 years -- from the first hit in franchise history by Coot Veal, to the exile from Washington, to some of those Rangers moments in that old hothouse ballpark with rats the size of Freddie Patek -- for the Rangers to get here.

Moments like when Willie Davis sat down in center field for two outs because Steve Hargan wouldn't retaliate for his being hit, or when the helicopter drying the field before the 1975 opener crashed in the outfield.

Standing there in center field on Friday night, looking around at the Zion Canyon of a ballpark, it was good to see Tom Schieffer and appreciate what he and George W. Bush did to legitimize baseball in the Metroplex. This celebration was theirs. It was good to see the Rangers celebrating with their fans to the strains of "Deep in the Heart of Texas," which they've played every night, as if it were "Take Me Out to the Ballpark." The Rangers moved into this park and eventually built one of the best organizations in the business with the promise of a $3 billion local television deal and never lost part of their culture.

Tom Hicks, be damned.

The Rangers will always be poor Rogelio Moret in his catatonic state, and Mickey Rivers going up to hit in sneakers, and Randy Galloway writing "Bobby Bonds played right field like it's mined." I always thought the Dallas/Fort Worth media was not only among the best in the country, but the least pretentious and true to the culture.

Of course, Jon Daniels and his scouts built this, and there's nothing wrong with the notion that what they were doing wasn't fully appreciated until Nolan Ryan came on board; Nolan is one of them, and a really good man, as well.

The team that beat the Yankees is a unique blend. Texas manager Ron Washington is the self-proclaimed "baseball lifer" who loves every part of the game. When he failed a drug test last season, Ryan and Daniels did not fire him. "Management showed us that they have our backs," Josh Hamilton said. "The way they stood behind Wash was something that pulled us together as people."

Hamilton, of course, is the marquee example of a management that understands that amidst all our layers, we are all, in some way, flawed. Standing there in center field on Friday night, players sprayed one another with ginger ale, not champagne or beer, a ritual initiated by C.J. Wilson after they won the American League Division Series out of respect for Hamilton's proud battle to overcome his addictive demons.

"Josh is a very special person, and it's our way of showing him that we are all in a circle with him," said Wilson, who also does not drink, as all of us who get his tweets appreciate. "What makes us all different makes us one."

Hamilton is going to be the 2010 American League MVP. He is the ALCS MVP. In the Yankee Stadium clubhouse after his astounding Home Run Derby performance in 2008, he stepped away from the media circle around his locker to ask: "Could you get me Jeff Allison's number? I need to call him."

Allison is a one-time Marlins first-round Draft pick who, like Hamilton, stumbled because of addiction demons. Hamilton was Allison's inspiration to make it back, and the day of the All-Star Game, Hamilton called Allison to remind him of their bond.

The night after the All-Star Game, President Bush held a state dinner to celebrate baseball. During dinner, the President asked, "Is Josh Hamilton real?"

The answer was yes, with the Allison call as an example. "That makes me very happy," said the President. "We need to focus on how forgiveness can rebuild lives."

"Management showed us that they have our backs. The way they stood behind Wash was something that pulled us together as people."

-- Josh Hamilton

On Friday, Josh Hamilton admitted he had tears in his eyes as the game wore down, and more than 50,000 people chanted their forgiveness. "But this is not about me," he said. "This is about everyone here. One moment I'll never forget was when they walked me [for the second of three times] in the fourth inning and Vladdy [Guerrero] smoked that ball."

It was the moment that brought the pennant to Texas. The Yankees had decided that Hamilton was not going to beat Phil Hughes, or anyone else. They walked him five times in the series and Guerrero made it a 3-1 game. Understand that the venerable Guerrero has never been to the World Series. He played for one of the best teams in the modern era, the 1994 Expos, whose season ended with the strike. He played for Angels teams that never quite made it.

In fact, he reminded us that in the 2009 ALDS, the Red Sox had Jonathan Papelbon walk Kendry Morales to pitch to Vladdy. Guerrero singled off Papelbon, the Angels advanced, but, as he reminded us, lost to the Yankees.

Colby Lewis was a one-time high Draft choice with a power arm that never found it, got hurt, kicked around, found himself in Japan the two previous years and Friday night, pitched the game of his life to win the pennant.

Nelson Cruz kicked from the Mets to the A's to the Brewers to the Rangers, passed through irrevocable waivers in spring training of 2009, and is now an All-Star who hit two homers in the ALCS.

Michael Young has been a Ranger since he was acquired from Toronto for Esteban Loiaza, and was an All-Star at second and short and, when asked if he would move to third base for a 20-year old kid named Elvis Andrus, did so for the team, a move Washington believes "set the tone for who and what we are."

Ian Kinsler came out of the organization. Andrus and Neftali Feliz were stolen from the Braves in the Mark Teixeira deal, David Murphy came from Boston for Eric Gagne. Derek Holland became the left-handed power gunner of the bullpen against New York, the deciding force in Game 4.

And, of course, there is Cliff Lee and his brilliance. One of his former teammates pointed out that part of that brilliance stems from Lee's capacity to figure out the strike zone of whoever is umpiring home plate and pitching to that strike zone, not what Lee thinks it should be.

Standing there in center field on Friday night looking around at the 50-something thousand people singing "This is Texas," there was no thought of World Series television ratings or the impact of the Fox/Cablevision war. Willie Tasby was the first player in franchise history to get an extra-base hit, long before Gene Orza and Mike Barnicle were members of the Willie Tasby Fan Club. Ted Williams, Billy Martin and Bobby Valentine managed this team; Eddie Stanky did, too -- for one game before quitting. Jose Canseco had a ball bounce off his head and over the fence for a game-losing home run error.

Now they're Hamilton and Lee, Elvis and Neftali, Young and Kinsler and Cruz, C.J. and Colby Lewis. Standing there taking it all in, a text showed up on my phone, from a very smart man who played on this team for a time this season.

"That," wrote Alex Cora, "is a great team."

Peter Gammons is a columnist for MLB.com and an analys

Hurricane heading towards Democrats on Election Day

2010-10-25T11:14:00.000-05:00

Tight Races Could Lead to Uncertainty After Election

A 'Hurricane' Is Heading Toward Democrats on Election Day, Pollster Says

By GERALD F. SEIB

Democrats face damage from hurricane-force winds that can't be stopped now, a leading Democratic pollster said, while a top Republican cautioned that the full extent of the damage may not be known for days or even weeks.

In an interview with WSJ's Jerry Seib, pollsters Peter Hart and Bill McInturff declare that a hurricane will hit Washington on election day, and there is little Democrats can do to get out of the way. However both Hart and McInturff believe President Obama is the Democrats' greatest strength in the home stretch. But according to McInturff, the Senate elections in Nevada, California and Washington will be too close to call, keeping the Senate in play for weeks after polls close.

"We knew there was a hurricane that was going to hit Washington," said Democrat Peter Hart, co-director of The Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll. "All we're doing is getting closer and closer and at this stage of the game it's going to be a huge hurricane."

Bill McInturff, Mr. Hart's partner in directing the Journal/NBC News poll, said key Senate elections in Nevada, California and Washington now look so close that it may not be possible to declare winners in all three on Nov. 2, the date of the mid-term elections. The need to tally absentee ballots, and possible recounts, could delay the final results for one or more of those races, Mr. McInturff said.

The two spoke on WSJ.com's "The Big Interview" show.

Given how close the fight for control of the Senate will be, a delay in calling one or more of the three tight Western races could leave the question of which party is in charge there hanging unanswered. Republicans would have to make a net gain of 10 seats in the Senate to win control, a number that they could reach only by winning most of the closest races where Democratic incumbents are fighting for re-election. In all three of the big Western states Mr. McInturff cited, Democratic incumbents—Patty Murray in Washington, Barbara Boxer in California and Harry Reid in Nevada—are in tough fights.

For his part, Mr. Hart predicted Democrats will keep control of the Senate. But he also warned that, in general, a "hurricane" is heading toward Democrats on Election Day, and that there is little they can do to avert it at this stage of the campaign.

The two pollsters agreed, though, that President Barack Obama, who is traversing the country to raise money and stump for Democrats in the campaign's closing days, remains the Democrats' best weapon in the stretch run.

The president's job-approval rating stands at 47% in the latest Journal/NBC News poll. That's up a bit from its low point last summer, and roughly comparable to where other recent presidents have been at this point in their first term. More important, Mr. McInturff noted, President Obama has a particular ability to fire up the Democratic base in those key Senate battleground states of Washington, California and Nevada, which is why he is hitting all three this week.

Write to Gerald F. Seib at jerry.seib@wsj.com

Well, DUH!

2010-10-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

Feds probing possible criminal violations in home foreclosure crisis

By Terry Frieden, CNN Justice Department Producer

October 19, 2010 5:34 p.m. EDT

A government task force dealing with foreclosure issues has scheduled a meeting for Wednesday.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

A federal task force is investigating potential fraud in the foreclosure crisis
The task force will meet Wednesday, and a White House briefing is likely afterwards

RELATED TOPICS

Washington (CNN) -- Federal law enforcement officials said Tuesday the probe of potential fraud by financial firms in the foreclosure crisis includes an investigation into possible criminal violations of federal laws.

Two sources familiar with the federal Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force indicated the multi-agency effort by investigators in the Justice, Treasury and Housing departments would determine whether prosecutors would ultimately pursue criminal or civil penalties -- or both.

The task force has scheduled a meeting for Wednesday at the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Upon conclusion, a briefing is likely at the White House, officials said.

"The administration's Federal Housing Administration and Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force have undertaken their own regulatory and enforcement investigation into the foreclosure process," White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs confirmed Tuesday. "We remain committed to holding accountable any bank that has violated the law," he said.

Growing concern over flawed paperwork by banks and other lenders in foreclosure proceedings has prompted growing anger and confusion in the housing market. Some banks temporarily froze foreclosures, but are now indicating plans to resume seizing homes after reviewing new paperwork.

Fall Classes For Women

2010-10-21T17:11:00.000-05:00

Fall Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Sat., October 23, 2010

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse ! and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesd! ays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

REID: When all else fails; throw someone off welfare | St. Louis Globe-Democrat

2010-10-21T08:19:00.000-05:00

REID: When all else fails; throw someone off welfare | St. Louis Globe-Democrat

Finally it's "official." This is now Obama's economy.

2010-09-21T19:35:00.002-05:00

News! The recession is over and HAS BEEN for 15 months.

The president has been claiming that he inherited this mess as the Republicans "drove the car into the ditch." Well, Mr. President the Republicans in fact did help to push the car back on the road well more than a year ago - according to a panel of prominent economists who have delivered a verdict that the Great Recession ended in June, 2009.

So, will this news change Mr. Obama's fall strategy of still blaming this country's problems on GW Bush? Absolutely not! His only option is to continue on the "blame Bush for everything" path. To not do that is to admit that he and his policies are now the problem this country is going through with high unemployment and a still sputtering economy.

As a husband of a woman who IS her own business and files a schedule C tax return each year I know the economy has slowed and that her sales of real estate are down the last couple of years. But, the real estate problems right now, TODAY are due to the expiration of the Obama gimme's for first time buyers which ended this summer. Who is going to buy now when IF they could qualify in the spring they would have already purchased a new home? The problem with programs that mortgage the future is that one day the future comes calling.

This announcement from the National Bureau of Economic Research's Business Cycle Dating Committee means one thing: Any new down-turn would mark the beginning of a new recession and not the continuation of the old one.

So, Mr. President - the ball is in your court. Play ball!

Obama Isn't Bill Clinton, That's For Sure.

2010-09-01T14:41:00.005-05:00

Remember, "I feel your pain?" Those were the days, folks. No one was better at empathy than our "first black president," Bill Clinton. What we have now is a Par-TAY!

Six vacations in 18 months - yep, great gig if you can get it. Nearly 10 percent unemployment during this "recovery summer" and Joe Biden is practically giddy with the "opportunity to do something great." I sure hope so because we are all dying out here down in the real world, outside of the beltway.

He relentlessly plugs the $5 billion for weatherization as "one of our signature programs," never mentioning, as the Associated Press puts it, that the program "has experienced spending delays, inefficiencies and mismanagement. In Biden's home state of Delaware, the entire program has been suspended since May, and last month federal auditors identified possible fraud." Oops, sorry. Forgot that little detail about how it isn't even working where he lives.

Bill Clinton could look into the camera and you could imagine what he was thinking, and then he would do what he said he would do. You could feel it. Now, when Mr. Obama looks into the camera - you imagine what he is thinking and you can smell it.

Last night as he took the credit for "ending combat in Iraq" his ego wouldn't even allow him to give credit to those who actually DID make the tough decision - to have a "surge." Without Mr. Bush's plan - the one that this president opposed, Iraq wouldn't be in a position today to even visualize American troops withdrawing, much less actually sending some home. "Look at me, ma!" is what I saw last night and almost daily on television from this president.

Where is the empathy now? As the boy who cried wolf was eventually ignored, so is the case here. I see him talking but I don't hear anything. I see neighbors losing jobs, cars, homes and moving out. I see their pain. I don't want change for America - I want what we had in America again.

Battery operated cars? No thanks!

2010-07-20T16:32:00.006-05:00

Hey, I'm all for helping our planet Earth but this nonsense about driving around in battery powered cars is just another of President Obama's dreams of spending my money.

Gov'Mint Motors is all excited about their Chevy Volt which will go all of 40 MILES on a single charge! Big whoop! That won't even get me to the Cowboys game AND back. So after I go watch Romo toss another game losing INT - I get stuck on the way home when my battery runs out of juice. Yeah, that will really get the wife all excited and ready to jump my bones when we get home for sure. I can hear her now, "TOLD YOU that the Volt won't get us to the game and back..." and I'll once again have to say, "you are right, dear." Puleeze!

So, what we really have here is nothing more than PAY-BACK to the UNIONS from Obama for helping get him elected, pure and simple. Last Thursday, the Chosen One was once again AWOL from the White House and back on the campaign trail - to Holland, Michigan to attend a groundbreaking ceremony for a new lithium-ion battery plant from Compact Power, Inc. Yes Sir, this was advertised as another great example of the White House's Federal Stimulus Grants in action - and creating 300 new jobs.

But, here is what cuts my cheese: Compact Power, Inc. isn't even an American Company! WTF! "We The People" give them $151 Million and neither the plant OR the technology isn't from the good 'ol USA! Oops. That might be a problem, Mr. President! CPI is part of a South Korean company, LG Chemical.

Oh, yeah, these cool, new batteries cost $16,000 each, too! SIXTEEN LARGE! So, I'm driving my four year old Volt in 2014 and the car will only stay charged now for about 16 miles and I figure it must be the battery. I guess I'll walk down to Auto Zone and pick me up a new one. The pimple faced kid looks me straight in the eyes and says, "That will be $16,000.00 for the battery, $1,320.00 sales tax and $800.00 VAT tax, please. Oh, yeah - no problem. Can you at least throw in an oil change too?

Estimated retail price for a new Volt is expected to be in the $30K- $40K range later this fall. If you think it will be hard to get that baby financed - wait until you call your banker and ask for a loan for a replacement battery!

Gasoline is a wonderful product. It is cheap and will make my car go FAST with the A/C cranking, power the windows, seats and all 12 speakers at the same time. I just can't imagine how the Chevy Volt will make the air blow cold in July in Texas when we are rocking over 100 degrees for weeks at a time. No thanks. I think I will stick to just using batteries in my golf cart. At least when it dies I can hang around for the beer girl who is coming right around the corner.

Random thoughts from today.

2009-11-17T21:19:00.002-06:00

Had an interesting dinner today with two people in their late 40's who are "retired." Turns out both guys are ex-baseball players. Both seem to be in a good place and have done the right things with their money. Now, they play for "fun" in a league that the minimum age is 33. BIG egos still in play and of course they get paid appearance fees for each game in the ball park (no pun intended) of about $4k-$5K per game. Seems to be a nice amount for old ball players who can still play - just not with the 20 years olds anymore. Funny how the 45 year old pitcher was complaining about how it isn't "fair" to play against the 33 year old "kids."
Brinks Security ads still piss me off. NEVER is the criminal non-white. Find one on TV and let me know. Like, NO homes are broken into by a black dude or a Mexican?
"Jobs Saved" isn't measurable. Why does this POTUS still talk with us on TV like we are all morons? How come unemployment is over 10% if he has saved even ONE fricken job? Incompetent or just lying to me?
Why do people in parking lots walk in the middle of the lot like moving cars don't exist? Get TF outta my way and be damn glad I saw you and you can give me that "look" like you are supposed to be where cars drive.
Making work pay? Please! Now, I owe the IRS money back from my "refund" from this spring as promised from the POTUS? Screw that. Keep your hand outta my family's wallet, thank you.

And the WINNER is...

2009-11-11T23:38:00.003-06:00

And the winner is….

I am watching the CMA awards tonight while in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Wow, what a flood of memories about wonderful times I have been blessed with over the last 20+ years, with the love of my life.

I just watched Reba McIntire sing a song live….about “if I’m not the “one” or the “magical moment” etc of your life, then you can consider me “gone.”

As I listened, my heart swelled, tears came to my eyes and I watched Reba again sing about what I have in my life. Isn’t what you want is what songs are made of – what “other” couples have, or what you think “love” is? How does this happen and why did it happen to me?

Lunch time in the spring of 1990 was short. I was a salesman and if I didn’t get the order, money didn’t come home. About this time I knew a woman who was looking for happiness and… wasn’t. The love in my heart was going to change that woman. The love in my heart wanted so much and had so much to offer – if only “she” would look for the offer.

This woman had her lunch break about 12:45 and could be at her home at 1:00 every day. My schedule was crazy but I made a point to meet her for a sandwich, soup, crackers, or whatever we could put together for that one, special hour of the day at her house as often as I could. ABC at 1:00 was “One life to live” and we watched it together that spring – imaging a life together just like on TV. Two people going through life every day, yet missing so much.

Funny how having some tomato soup and crackers while watching a soap can make you feel like one of the characters on TV. I would watch the show while this woman next to me would melt into one of the women on the show; longing for the love they “have” and so wishing that she could feel “it, “ too. How much it hurt to watch her want “that” and knowing that I HAD what she wanted and so desperately needed! Life gets in the way of living - I found out those couple of years prior to this cup of soup on her couch. I was going to change that. I did.

Those lunches gave us time to get away from work, but more importantly gave two people time together to figure out what we needed. Not only what we needed from that day, or that month, but ultimately from each other. When the grind of “going to work” seemed like such a drag at 7:30 or 8:00, I could already imagine the joy when turning down her street, hoping to see her car for lunch – I can still feel my pulse race when she would be there before me. And, I can still remember the disappointment I felt if she didn’t or couldn’t show up that day to meet me.

Well, those lunches went way too fast and that spring dragged along with both of us living the wrong life – for each of us. As our precious time together seemed to be…ever so more important it became clear that I would have to DO something. I did.

I bought two tickets to see Reba McIntire in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 1^st, 1990.

Keep in mind that I was married at the time to the best ex-wife I have ever had. Going on a week-end trip with a woman, not your wife was going to be tricky. I knew that me and this woman would spend THE most wonderful week-end that two people have ever had in the history of the world that first week-end in June. So, I put together a “hunting trip” with a buddy of mine who also thought he might enjoy seeing Reba in the company of another woman and join us for a road trip to Tulsa. So, four tickets were purchased to see Garth Brooks and Reba McIntire for that Saturday and we were off to the rodeo.

The whole week leading up to the “hunting trip” was incredible. You think it was hard waiting for Santa to show up on Christmas when you were six years old? This was worse. I bought the tickets about six weeks in advance to go hunting and when that special week came around I was just waiting for something, anything, to go wrong and ruin the most wonderful trip ever planned by anyone, ever. Ever try to explain a “hunting trip” for June? Well, try it. I told you I was a salesman, so trust me it was the second best sale I ever made – that week-end pass.

The four of us made the trip Friday after work, and had a two room suite at some “swanky” Tulsa hotel like the Residence Inn or something. Friday night was magical. I had fallen in love with this woman and for the first time EVER I was able to fall asleep with her in my arms. I woke up on Saturday morning and felt like I was the king of the world and had everything I had ever dreamed of! As I watched her sleep in the early morning sunshine I couldn’t believe that I really was awake.

That morning changed my life. I knew that when I drove back from Oklahoma that my life was changed forever.

How strange that here I am back in Tulsa, Oklahoma after 19 years – that once again Reba is singing my life story?

The story of one very lucky man - and one incredible woman. I am truly blessed, indeed to have found such love in just one woman, my Betty. So, as far as I am concerned tonight’s winner - and every night’s winner, is the one guy who misses his wife tonight, again.

Burgers, Beers and Cassette Tapes

2009-09-24T00:33:00.001-05:00

Burgers, beers and cassette tapes

The day I woke up on the right side of the bed, I knew then that I had made the right decision – to be on the side of the right bed. Betty’s bed.

Looking over to see a woman I had spent so much time thinking about within reach somehow seemed unreal, and yet it was real. More than months of wondering, thinking, and hoping that somehow I could make this happen, had happened. She said yes, and now had a new roommate. Well, that plus another cat who made the near midnight trip over to the Betty’s house on June 4th, 1990.

She told me that she wanted me to be with her. She told me that she wanted me to be with her again. I told her that I would go home that night after work, get my stuff, the cat and the cat box and we would see if her cat would get along with mine. Well, they didn’t- and that was about the last thing a guy needs on his hand, is two cats fighting, one woman crying and another woman being the reason. How do you make that decision?

Well, I fell in love is how.

Maybe it was that time on a particular spring holiday that we drove out to Silverlake park on Lake Grapevine during the day with a bucket of ice and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. We parked her car and talked – for hours. Maybe it was that time that we drove out to that lake in Irving by the power plant before they closed it. We found a quiet little picnic table and had the radio on her Geo Storm playing one of the cassette tapes of Alan Jackson or Reba – both our favorites during that time of our lives. We wore out that Reba tape; the one with New Fool At An Old Game on it. Over and over we would play that song. If I hear that song today – immediately I can picture my Betty walking across the office in that white dress, you know the one. Maybe it was at that lake.

Maybe it was that time at the Cowboy saloon off of NW Highway in Dallas near loop 12. We would meet up after work for more than a couple of cold beers and talk until one of us was really late getting “home.” I remember that the place would get so smoke filled my eyes would burn. Betty would prop open the front door with that chair with cigarette holes in the fine plastic seat, and go stand by the back door and hold it open to get some air to go through there. I could see the light coming in from behind her, shining through her hair and watch the wind blow her dress against her skin. Maybe it was at that bar.

Or, could it have been those Friday long lunches at Club Schmitz in Dallas on Harry Hines. At least once a month we would meet up there as the lunch crowd was leaving so we could get a booth. I always got a kick (and still do) how she would look at the same menu every time like this place from the 50’s might add a new item on it. The Betty would get her hamburger basket, no pickles and no onions and a bottle of Coors light – every time, and still does. We would put a couple of dollars in the juke box and play our Reba song and then after about three more beers later she would decide that it was too late to go back to the office anyway. Maybe that old burger place did it.

Over some period of time, I got into a habit of going over to the Betty’s house on Monday’s after work. We would sit out in her back yard with her dog Shadow and again talk for hours. I know that we had lots to talk about, with the situation that was developing with both of our lives at the time. Funny - how things can be worked out with some time alone, when both people care about and respect one another. I looked forward to Monday mornings and going to work because I knew that at the end of the day I would end up in Betty’s arms after some problem solving on the back porch. Maybe it was the rocking chair she sat in while we listened to those cassette tapes. We would take turns getting up to refill our glass, get another beer and turn the tape over, and over, and over.

So, I guess that’s how me and the Betty figured out how to make this new life work. Even though we did have an ex-husband that was still around, a mad soon-to-be-ex wife, a dog, and two cats that don’t get along – we did have our Reba tape and each other.

What else could you need, really – but to wake up on the right side of the bed with so much to look forward to?

Party Plaza Maggots

2009-09-22T09:44:00.002-05:00

Once again we have experienced the EGO of Jerry Jones being put ahead of his PAYING fans and his own football team.

Besides the fact that the Cowboys lost the game, the worst part of the day was the Plaza Maggots throughout the area. We, the Season Ticket Holders and PSL holders were completely ignored while JJ concentrated on his image of all things BIG. Those "fans" who only purchased the "party pass" were out of control, in the way, and a general nuisance to all of us who spent WAY too much money to enjoy the "game day experience."

What we did see was the Plaza Maggots crowded outside -locked out of the building and using trash cans for urinals since JJ didn't let them in, OR even provide port-a-jerrys for them to use outside. We had to push and fight our way through the PMs to find our personal entrance to the building. As we were making our way through the crowd, they opened the doors and people were PUSHING, RUSHING, and knocking people down to get in! We were very lucky not to be injured during this time.

If we had ANY idea that JJ was going to have the standing room only areas right BEHIND our seats there is NO WAY we would have bought a PSL, much less attend games in the new stadium.

I won't even address the issue of parking and traffic at this time but suffice it to say it was no better than the outcome of the game for us fighting our way through the plaza maggots all evening.

I'm sure that our own players would have preferred to have the place closed up in the 90 degree heat too. I heard our own Jason Witten say he had to have an I.V. during half time. It was clear our defense was completely gassed in the fourth quarter when we needed them most. But, at least Jerry got what he wanted - prime viewing on youtube picking a winner!

Pitiful.

and she is there.

2009-07-14T23:20:00.001-05:00

And she is there

Night fall on Sunday has my mind wandering about the week ahead,
knowing that this night together is our last for a while.
Even though my thoughts are a day or two ahead,
It is nice to reach over, and find that she is there.

The time zooms by as I am busy working with lots of people,
but then the day ends and it seems that I am far away again.
Strangers make a nice way to pass the time each evening,
But nothing like picking up the phone, and she is there.

During most days I have so many things to do and say,
it is during times like this that I hardly know that I’m away.
Of course there are some bright spots that can occur,
one is when opening my email to see that she is there.

Long days sometime seem to drag on with no end in sight.
Day after day – turning into night after night.
The one beautiful thing that I can always count on
is when lights are out and I close my eyes, she is there.

It is Friday morning and then the work day is wrapping up,
with another trip to rental return, then the nearest airport.
The best part of seeing the DFW area on final approach,
is when I walk out to curb-side to find my best friend is there.

Am I nervous again or am I trying too hard this time?
I have really missed her and want this to be special.
let me enjoy this time together when we are so close,
My special love, my heart beats with hers – as she is there.

Five Nights

2009-06-22T01:48:00.001-05:00

A lot can happen in five nights. Just when things get back to normal – you know, forks and knives pointing down in the dishwasher, all rolls of toilet paper in the house installed correctly – over the top, of course and the garage door is closed all the way down; I’m back in the Exit Row again.

I’m not saying that these things are all that important in the way our house is run on a daily basis. That is just the way I like things to be. I mean it is OK with the Betty if no matter which way she is facing, “that is north.” It works for her just like her map – north is always straight away. Me, I kind of like knowing where north really is. I need to actually get there on time. I don’t do late.

So, tonight I am on the plane again – only this night is Sunday night. Hey, not my plan; but the boss who just loves Friday afternoon conference calls decided that I need to be in Los Angeles on Monday morning for an 8:00 meeting, so here I am heading north to California. I just know that by Tuesday the paper in the master bath will be rolling from under and there will be a dinner fork pointing up mocking my absence. Betty says, “what’s the difference if they all go in the dishwasher?” I guess she is right since she was the one doing the dishes – it’s just when I start bleeding when I unload it that her system presents a problem.

Last week I am at the hotel and go to get my socks and sneakers to get my walk in for the day – and the two white socks don’t match that were paired together. So, what’s the big deal – who will know, right? Well, I know and the whole time I’m on the treadmill I’m thinking, “where are the other two socks? Are they also together like these two, or will I go home to a whole lot of white socks paired at random?” I mean to tell ya, when I take my socks off I don’t just rip ‘em off and let ‘em get inside-out; no siree! I know how I hate to turn the socks back correctly when I do the folding, so I take care not to just toss ‘em in there all wrong side out! Once I casually mentioned that my socks were wrong to Betty and I got about as much sympathy as she would give me if I was floating in the pool and told her my ice was melting too fast. So, when this happened again last week as I was unpacking I went over to look at my sock drawer to find the other lonesome pair of mismatched socks. Betty looks at me, like “what ARE you doing?” I explain my socks were mismatched this week and without missing a beat, “I’ll tell the maid,” she says. (We don’t have a maid.) I wasn’t planning on saying a WORD, I swear! I just didn’t want to end up in Cal-E-FORNia with any mismatched socks. They have laws against that out there, I’m told.

I’m afraid that my next couple of weeks will give the B way too much time around the house alone – my stuff is sure to get moved around. I think she does it on purpose, too. You know, “oh, I thought you didn’t want that old copy of the SuperBowl program anymore. It was so old, anyway.” Things get too neat around our house when I get past three nights out – in a row. I’ve got five this week – and three more next week. That’s eight outta 14- I might come home and be down to one car in the garage. “Well, you weren’t using it.” I could almost hear her say it now. I had better hurry up and head straight home – north to Texas.

Cap and Trade SCAM coming soon.

2009-05-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

The Democrats are working out the details of a massive wealth redistribution bill, all in the name of climate change. This is the liberal nirvana. You take a naturally recurring climatological phenomena and use scare tactics to stampede the great unwashed into supporting your tax and spend schemes. The looter's plan to limit greenhouse gases are not in the name of sound environmental science but in the name of more government. The Democrats want to use something known as "cap-and-trade" to lower naturally occurring emissions by 17% by 2020 and 83% by 2050.

The looters know that this is going to be expensive. So in order to offset the soaring energy costs associated with this plan ... which we will get to in a minute ... they want to create a system where the government would issue pollution allowances. These permits would then be traded in a government-designed marketplace.

Besides this artificial market, created entirely by government for government, cap-and-trade promises to cripple our economy. The Heritage Foundation has done an analysis of how this Waxman-Markey bill would affect our economy by 2035. Now 2035 might sound like a long way off .. but a child you have today will only be around 26 years ago and just starting to raise a family when that time comes. Here are their findings. Waxman's "environmental" bill would:

* Reduce aggregate gross domestic product (GDP) by $9.6 trillion
* Destroy 1,105,000 jobs on average, with peak years seeing unemployment rise by over 2,479,000 jobs
* Raise electricity rates 90 percent after adjusting for inflation
* Raise inflation-adjusted gasoline prices by 74 percent
* Raise residential natural gas prices by 55 percent
* Raise an average family's annual energy bill by $1,500
* Increase inflation-adjusted federal debt by 26 percent, or $29,150 additional federal debt per person, again after adjusting for inflation.

I will guarantee you, folks, that the government already has plans to make sure that low-income Americans will not pay a dime in increased energy costs. This will be just another notch on the entitlement belt.

She is there.

2009-05-12T23:40:00.002-05:00

Best friends. I hear that a lot, but what is a “best” friend? Usually when someone talks about their best friend it is a buddy or girl friend that they run around with, can confide in and have good times together. I’ve got that right at home. I am a very lucky man, indeed.

I’m not sure when the Betty became my “best” friend. Maybe it was when we worked together, and both of us were married to others. Occasionally at work when I could see that work was stressful I would talk with her to see if there was anything that my sales team could do to make her job easier. You know how most sales people are always in a rush and expecting so much from the administration’s staff to process their orders – as if that is all they had to do all day. Nothing is more important to a sales rep than getting paid. Don’t mess with their money, they say. Forget how about five other people in the office must touch their order to make it happen; from inputting the order in the system, getting equipment set up and ready, shipping it and installing it –all on a strict schedule. In my office, nothing got done without the Betty doing it right and rarely with a smile, I might add. She “hated” sales people. “Lazy, boorish, overbearing, rude and demanding” would be her description if she ever said it out loud.

She wouldn’t even give a new hire a pen, much less a stapler until they could sell something. That is where she rightly earned her name, “Betty Bitch” or BB as we all called her – many still do today. It is hard getting on her good side. I can’t really say she has a soft side, but I do see it occasionally.

So you see, making her happy sure helped me in those days to get things done. Just like now. Betty was in charge of the office secretaries, and the dispatch system. You wanted a demo, well God help you if your paperwork was incomplete. Same thing if you turned in an incomplete order. You would find that paperwork right back in your inbox that afternoon with a not-so-nice note about what you were to do. So, I trained my reps on how to meet her expectations early on in their careers. She appreciated it then, and I’m sure still does when I meet her “expectations” today. I was the young gun in the office – starched button-down type she couldn’t stand with a quick mouth, too. But, together over those first few months we learned about each other’s way of getting the job done- selling on my part and getting the orders billed on hers. We made a great team and our business grew during that time. We learned to trust each other. We became friends.

Her husband at the time wasn’t a very nice man. I am sure that her strong personality was quite the challenge to him with his military background of “following orders” and not questioning his thoughts on life. During my first years after meeting Betty we could talk after work for hours over a few cold ones about both her marriage and mine. Kind of bouncing ideas off each other about what is wrong and what each other could do about it. It is true that in most office environments like ours that you spend a lot more time at work that you do at home. You go to work all showered, clean and put on a nice work suit or dress everyday. At home, sometimes people get lazy and don’t look so nice and get way too comfortable and take each other for granted. I admit it – me to. I loved my job, was good at it; and a great deal of my success was because of the way that BB took care of my work and my sales teams. She cared. It showed and the sales grew.

By now most people know the story about how the B and me got married. We moved in together-B with her dog and one cat, and me with a cat and two more dogs. Quite the challenge to make everyone get along, indeed; but we made it work. We lived on a great street back then and our house had the perfect driveway that curved into the garage to the west so we could set chairs out front in the shade and solve the world’s problems together over cocktails, and a dog or two on a tie-out also. We did this nearly every night for most of the 15 years we lived there – true story! Neighbors would come over, and many nights we would not eat dinner until way past most folk’s bedtime. Not having kids really gave us the time together-real time with just each other to share our day, talk about tonight and plan on our future lives. We became “best friends” on that driveway I truly believe. Of course, one of us would occasionally say or do something not so nice to the other. But, one of us would always say that he is sorry, and Betty would say that’s ok.

It was during these driveway years that I began to travel so much for work. It was very hard on the Betty at first. We were never apart for more than a rare night or two for the first seven years of marriage. She told me that she was OK with me taking that new job with all the expected travel – after all it was a “field” manager position with all that implies. My new office was in Stamford, north east of New York, for God’s sake! Good thing I never had to go there much. That first week out I was gone Sunday night and came back Friday, riding with the guy who’s territory I was assigned. Sure, I was busy – but my best friend was at home, hurting like a puppy missing his litter-mates one by one. I would call home every night before her bed time to talk about our day and tell her I love her. Just like I will tonight.

She was the first person I called when I hung up the phone when I made that big sale one time in the early 90’s. I cleared $50,000.00 on that deal-and I was so excited I couldn’t stand it! I figured out that I had made more money than Emmit Smith did that month during his 2^nd year with the Cowboys-that’s how I looked at it. A month later I bought my best friend a convertible Corvette for our 2^nd anniversary. She was used to her Geo Storm and I drove her over to look at this beautiful car and couldn’t wait for her excitement to show, too! Well, the B isn’t really into cars much but she did let me trade in the old Geo for the ‘vette. Problem was it had a white convertible top on it and to me, it just looked wrong. So, I had asked if they would replace it with a black one. Well, being the last day of the month turned out to be a good thing as we agreed to split the cost on a new convertible top, but it would take about a week to get it done. They gave her a Chevrolet Lumina as a loaner; a nice one with a big V-8 in it, too. After about two days, the Betty tells me that she wants to keep the loaner! I almost dropped a load right there! Here I am-giving her a RED CONVERTIBLE CORVETTE, and she wants to keep the loan car! Well, that is what she needed a best friend for, was to talk some sense into her and quick! Once the dealer had her new car back with the new black top on it and she took it down Highway 114 for a spin, I think it kind of grew on her some. She took it home that night. Her boss at the time just about pulled his hair out when his office manager pulled in next to him that next morning in the parking lot, too. I wasn’t there, but I know that she enjoyed that moment, because she still likes to tell that story.

She was there when my 95 year old grandmother died and she was there when my father’s only brother died, and she was there when a dear friend of mine killed himself one day. Best friends go to the funeral with you. Best friends let you cry and will cry with you, too.

The great thing about a best friend is that you know that they will always be there to answer the phone. A voice you can count on. That’s what my best friend is, and I’m missing her right now.

2009-05-11T11:53:00.001-05:00

The White House has decided that private companies deemed "too big to fail" need to be policed by a supercop, and the White House is recommending the Federal Reserve play the role.

Last week, Obama's economic advisors had a meeting with representatives from banks, hedge funds and financial groups. These groups had suggested to the president that if the government insisted on regulating industries, that the task should be divided among various regulators. But that doesn't seem to be what the White House is going for. It wants a single independent regulator to monitor system-wide risk, and that one regulator "should be given better visibility into all institutions that pose a risk to the financial system, regardless of what business they are in."

So we aren't just talking the financial industry here. We are talking about any company that the government feels is too big to fail and would pose a risk to the financial system. Who in Congress has been chosen to lead the task for drafting legislation for such a supercop?? None other than slobbering Barney Frank.

This legislation, according to tax cheat Tim Geithner will include an "aggressive" package of reforms for the financial industry. That includes a fundamental overhaul of how the industry pays its senior executives. In other words, those evil bonuses will be a thing of the past.

This is a massive proposed increase in the control privately-owned businesses by government. But I don't have to tell you that, do I? What you may not know, however, is what you call this type of economic system --- a system where business is owned privately but owned by the government. The word would be Fascism.

What's wrong with this culture?

2009-05-08T09:37:00.003-05:00

I was walking through the mall earlier this week when I noticed a black dude walking the other way. His t-shirt had the old Warner Brothers logo on it .. but the lettering was interesting. "If you see the police, Warn-a-Brother." How cute.

Let's not get into a whole rant here about what this t-shirt says about the culture this character lives in. I'm just wondering what happens if I go to a mall in a predominately black community wearing a t-shirt with the words "If you see a brother, warn-a-cop."

My guess is that I'm not going to fare too well.

Eight Days

2009-05-05T13:16:00.004-05:00

I was a single man in 1990 for eight whole days.

Yep, the first wife’s bad decision making led to our divorce on Thursday, October 18^th. Not that I place all the blame on her for our divorce – I generally give me all the credit on the perfect escape. The Betty decided that she wanted to be Mrs. Watson earlier that summer so my plan was to make that happen as quickly as possible. Since I fell in love with her one day watching her push a shopping cart; that was that – she was going to marry me as soon as I could pull it off.

I was driving down McArthur Boulevard in Irving Texas when wife number one calls me with the news that the judge had signed off on our final papers and that I was a free man. What a weird feeling that was. So, after thinking about that for a couple minutes at the next red light I called Betty and told her the news. She said we should get married right away and so I told her, “let’s go tomorrow and get our marriage license.”

I guess my Betty called in sick or something since we both could take off Friday afternoon and go hunting for a marriage license. Now rocking on nearly 24 hours as a single man, I figured that the best way to go hunting is with a cooler full of 12 Natural light beers. So, I took about 1/5^th of the finest discount beers I had out of the fridge and loaded up the car with the Betty and the Beer. So, the B & B and me headed to the nearest county office (outside of Tarrant county where my divorce was just finalized, or Dallas county where we both lived) to get our marriage license, and that was in Denton, Texas.

I think it was only about a two beer trip to downtown Denton and we arrived in style wearing our best blue jeans to go visit with the licensing department. I had called ahead and knew exactly where we were going and found out that no appointment was necessary. We showed up and were given the form to fill out about names, addresses, whether or not you were a felon and questions like that. But, one question asked if either of you were married or had been married within the last 30 days….uh, oh. Well, shoot - here we both were all dressed in our nice jeans and all so I put down “no.” Then came time for the interview. The nice lady went through all our answers and everything was going fine until that question came up and then I guess one of us kind of laughed or something. Well, it was kind of funny since I hadn’t been single yet for one whole day at that point! Denton County’s finest government help didn’t think that was funny at all. I told her to “ask us again.” Then, she went on and on about how this was all official business and that we would just have to come back in 29 days. Aw, man – BUSTED!

Hell, here we were 35 miles from home and nothing to show for it but a bladder full of beer. We needed a plan. So, I went to the closest 7-11 and asked to borrow a Texas map to see where the next closest county seat was. Good news! Wise County courthouse in Decatur, Texas was only 28 miles away and we still had eight beers left in the playmate.

Now, Decatur has more than one stop light in town but this isn’t exactly the kind of place strangers just drive by the courthouse and decide to get married like on the strip in Las Vegas. “Yep (spit) we wuz driving along US-380 and done decided to git hitched rat now.) So, after learning our lesson in Denton we did some planning and both agreed to not laugh if this lady asked about that 30 day thing! So, we pop in the door and THE lady in the office asked if she could be of some help. I explained that we wanted to get married and needed a license. I even explained that it was a great day for a drive and that we picked Decatur to get our license - and she was real pleased to oblige us. This time we passed all the questions, paid our $22.00 cash for the license and went on out to celebrate with another a couple more cold beers and head on back to Irving.

Texas law requires a 72 hour waiting period after you get a license to actually get married. We talked about it and decided, “who wants to get married on a Monday?” So we picked the next Friday. We didn’t tell anybody we were getting married, and neither of us wanted a fancy wedding so we picked Judge Ovard in Irving, TX – the county Justice of the Peace, to marry us. Betty called and made us an appointment during lunch as we both went to work that morning.

Betty wore a real pretty cream color dress to work that day, but with her office job I’m sure no one said anything about it. Back then, I wore a business suit every day so we were all set and ready to go. I pick her up at home with the cooler full of beers and off we go!

You have to have a witness to get married so we picked Judge Ovard’s secretary, who said she “does it all the time.” You know that part in the wedding when they ask, “does anyone know of any reason why these two people can’t be married?” Well, right about then, Judge Ovard’s door opens! We all started laughing, and then I quickly thought about that 30 day thing, oh, no – busted again! But, it was just some one needing the Judge to sign something and he told them he was “kind of busy” and they shut the door. So, we said our “I do’s” and the Betty was officially, Mrs. Mark Watson!

Needing somewhere to go celebrate our big day, we knew of no better place to go in Dallas other than “the Cowboy Saloon” off of Northwest Highway and loop 12. So, we hop in the car and pop the top of a cool Natural Light and head over to the beer joint. This is the kind of place that smoke POURS out from under the door and the whole place reeks of alcohol – I mean THE perfect place to spend your wedding day! So, we drink some beers, play some pool and reflect on what a great life we have planned ahead of us.

The Betty and me have had a lot of road trips since then - and I am still in love with my best friend. I’ll always remember those first eight days that started a great life together.

The Swine Flu's first victim!

2009-04-30T23:28:00.002-05:00

How this all started...

I have found the perfect idea for Summer Vacation-The Somali Cruise!

2009-04-29T09:32:00.001-05:00

Subject: Somali Cruise Package

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The cost is a bit high @ $800 US per person double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive. What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)

M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95

Ak-47 rifle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at 14.95

Barretta M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95

Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads

"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."

Meals are not included but seem reasonable.

Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....

"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"

Sign my ars up!

They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.

"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by20at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."

As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials

"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"---- Lars, Hamburg Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.

"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.
---Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA

Me thinks the Swine Flu is complete nonsense.

2009-04-28T09:39:00.001-05:00

C'mon, people!

We have 30,000 people die every year right here in the USA from the ordinary flu. Why is this on TV all the time, AND the lead story on the news??

I'm just waiting for someone on TV to blame this on George W. Bush!

Take care of yourself, if you feel sick go see your doctor. No biggie.

Finally, the pool temperature has risen!

2009-04-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

Yea! Finally can get in the water around here! This spring has been WAY too cold and wet for too long.

The floats are blown up, and ready for the water.

C'mon over and help us break in the summer!

Oh, Susan - A Poem for you, too!

2009-04-22T15:35:00.000-05:00

Susan McCleary Rydell is a happy woman
just by looking at her we all can tell

Our time together in Houston ended too soon
as little by little McCleary was becoming Rydell

Up to Dallas for some time with SMU
and I-35 kept saying, go north with you.

Cleveland- now Hudson claims her pretty smile
It looks like Ohio will keep her for a while.

But in 52 days we will all again gather
back in Houston to see old friends that matter.

I'm hoping that among all the friends we know so well
that a car, or plane will bring us Susan McCleary Rydell!

The best things in life.....

2009-04-20T23:16:00.003-05:00

While she is only a heartbeat away, if only for today
knowing that she will always be as close tomorrow.

Even when my tomorrow is a thousand miles away
with eyes tightly closed she can be here in an instant.

A dream can go on all night long and be so real
and only by opening your eyes can the dream continue.

To reach out in the dark only to find it cold, dark and empty
can make a long day turn into an even longer night.

The quiet sounds of slow, deep breathing can be so intoxicating
even in the dark of night a clear beauty is in my mind.

How can it be that one woman has so much power
without knowing, wanting or even thinking it could be possible?

Soft shadows outline beauty as is rarely seen, or imagined
and few can ever dream of touching, watching or tasting her.

Many nights come with cold, dark sounds of strange places
but with this night will come another dream of a woman at home.

Stick it, IRS!

2009-04-15T10:50:00.003-05:00

I fell like such an enabler today as our check to the IRS has been mailed. It's not enough that they have taken money each couple of weeks all year long - it wasn't enough, AGAIN.

So, those of us who actually have a job, and work every day once again are paying others not to. Thank you, Uncle Sam. What a great system. 10 percent of our population pays over 70% of all taxes. Nearly 40% out there pay zero - and that number keeps getting bigger and bigger. Soon, there won't be enough of us left to pay for those who choose to sit on the porch and watch the traffic drive by.

So, go ahead and ignore the problem- enjoy American Idle or what ever other TV program that has taken over your brain. I just hope that you have saved some gold coins, ammo and Jack Daniel's liquor - because you will need that to trade for fuel to get to the country soon enough when the cities are taken over by the ignorant masses that come looking for you to feed them and their bastard children.

Good luck.

R.I.P. Ashes, the cat

2009-04-13T15:05:00.002-05:00

Ashes, our beloved cat died today. He will be missed by us as he was always there for us and asked nothing in return for his love.

When will Football get here??

2009-04-11T13:51:00.002-05:00

I can't fault you Ranger's baseball fans out there who still have hope as it is only April and the Rangers aren't dead yet - but this is about my Dallas Cowboys!

This new stadium is awesome! It will have the largest TV screen on the planet for everyone to see the replays and of course, Jerry World ads. The Betty and I went ahead a paid too much for our Personal Seat License and tickets again this year. And the city of Arlington isn't ready yet with roads and traffic planning but we are excited anyway and ready to go!

Now, if we can just get Tony Romo to pull his head outta his ass long enough to concentrate on football this spring we can have some hope. I know his Jessica is Hot and all - but c'mon MAN we need you to bring back the 'boys to the BIG GAME this year. So, put yer pecker on hold for a while and get serious about EARNING those guaranteed $31MM and win me a playoff game!

Hope for one last summer

2009-04-05T12:28:00.002-05:00

Ashes, the cat has earned all his lives, and now is on the back end of number nine.

Many years ago, maybe 18 or so while Betty and I were outside sitting in the driveway solving the world's problems with some Crown Royal, a little cat with half a tail appeared. He looked like someone's pet, but the poor thing only had half a tail. The little guy wouldn't let you get near him, but you could watch him all you wanted. The Betty and I were in a habit of holding "court" out front with some of the neighbors back then and court was in session most every night.

Soon after we first saw our new neighborhood Tom, we found that he would come over to observe these strange people who seemed to live outside with him. The little guy didn't have any tags on or any collar but he had the most beautiful markings, like a Himalayan cat does with the long silver and gray markings. He was such a regular around the house now, I decided that I would name him “Smokey.” Smokey gained enough courage now to wander into our garage and now had decided that the best place to sleep in the neighborhood was on top of my convertible Corvette. Now, me being an animal lover and all I needed a plan to make this cat a home but at the same time I had to keep the ‘vette from getting it’s soft convertible top from becoming the neighborhood scratch post. I hate to encourage bad behavior but ol’ Smokey was becoming like family around here. Betty had even started putting food outside in the garage with a water bowl and everything. I couldn’t imagine why this new cat would ever leave his new family.

One evening the neighbor lady from across the street and a couple of doors down came over and saw HER cat sitting on top of our car. She had just now missed ol’ Smokey I guess and came over looking for him. Turns out our cat had a name all his own; Ashes. I guess the name I chose was close to Ashes, but since then Smokey became Ashes. Neighbor lady now says, “if that cat is bothering you we can get rid of him.” I couldn’t believe she said that, you just don’t get rid of your own pet! I should have guessed by the way the cat was always at our house and didn’t even have a collar that his owner wasn’t a very good pet owner. So, we explained to her that Ashes was no trouble and please don’t take him to the pound. Other than not being a good pet owner this lady seemed nice enough, but we didn’t ever ask HER to watch our other pets when we went on vacation!

One summer that lady and her family moved away. We knew that they were leaving but didn’t know exactly when. Then, they were gone. Only thing was, Ashes the cat didn’t get on the Mayflower moving van with them.

Ashes had a new home-with us.

Even now with Ashes being part of the family he still treated us like old news. No petting me, mister! I’m just fine sitting here on the seat of your Harley, thank you. We couldn’t let Ashes in the house because we had dogs in there and another cat that actually got along with dogs, but not cats. We found that out real fast when Betty moved in with her cat and the fight was on! From that day forward, Betty’s cat had the Master bedroom and bath and the other cat had the rest of the place. But, that’s another story.

Ashes now had Betty trained. The walk-up cat now had matching food/water bowls, a home-made bed and even a mat you plug in with a heater for the winter. Nice too, he still uses it even now.

Lots of summers and winter came and ol’ Ashes had finally let you pet him, but only if he decided to let you. We would be sitting outside and he would wander up “in the area” and just sit with us. He might even walk by and rub on us, marking his property just in case those other cats inside didn’t know who owned us! We might be able to rub his head when he wanted but that’s about it, mister! What kind of cat do you think I am?

Spring came and Betty is out planting flowers like always, but now she has a new helper! Ashes now followed Betty everywhere and would be real helpful by sitting on the new plants or digging ‘em up for her, too. I guess he didn’t like Betty planting stuff in his bathroom, since he would be in there making regular deposits just like a banker. The two of them eventually came to terms, though. Ashes would walk along and watch by sitting on the pavestones next to Betty and purr with approval as the roses bloomed or the lilies made their Easter time appearance.

More years go by and now Ashes will not only rub on your legs, but actually jump in your lap during court. Not for everyone, but at least for me and the B. We had really gotten used to him being right there for us each night. He might wander across the street or go a couple of doors down to see what snacks were available, but he knew who’s car to sleep on at night and always came around in time for lights out. We would keep the garage door cracked just enough to let him come and go when he needed. One morning, I go outside and Ashes is sleeping in his bed with a possum! Side by side, curled up together. We wondered how he was eating so much and now we knew- he had made a friend. This didn’t really bother me, but I did wonder what about all the other possum; where were they? I guess we had a stray possum now too, at least for a while. Mr. Possum didn’t stay long enough for us to name him and one morning he was gone.

Four years ago we decided to move to Trophy Club. Except for Dollar dog, Ashes was our only other pet living now. Five other pets made the move with us and still are comfortable in their “boxes” on the living room book shelf. Since Ashes had always been an outside cat, moving him into the house wasn’t an option because Dollar would kill him – not because he wanted to, it is just that he weighs 75 pounds more and “plays” too rough. Plus, Ashes has those claws and all. I had already given up saving my cars with the scratches bumper to bumper but no way Betty is giving up on the leather furniture. So, we loaded up Ashes in his cage and moved him into the new house. Hearing all those stories about how animals don’t take to moving very well, we kept him is a small bathroom for two whole weeks, but did let him out to the garage with the door down so he could sleep on HIS cars. I guess he figured if the cars moved to Trophy Club, that would be good enough for him, too. After three weeks, the garage was again ALL his with the door up for him to explore his new yard with a pool, too.

The problem is the pool is in Dollar’s back yard. Since Ashes likes to hold court with us he now wanted to come into Dollar’s yard to be with us by the pool and this just won’t work. One time he jumped the gate faster that I can yell for Dollar to stop and Dollar had him down by the neck! But, he didn’t bite him, just wanted to play! But, we can’t have any of that, so we would put Dollar on a tie-out and let Ashes join us for pool time. This worked for the last three summers just fine.

I imaging that Ashes is about 18 years old now, and I am afraid that he has seen his last Christmas. He never did like going on a car trip as they only go to the vet as far as he knows. This last car trip two weeks ago didn’t go well for Betty, either. Ashes has stopped following Betty to the flower beds and will now only eat a bite or two. The once spry guy who would jump fences to be with us can barely make his way onto the warm mat for naps now.

Even grilled chicken, his favorite can’t coax him into managing more than a few bites. His little body is showing some ribs now and I am afraid that he is letting us know that he has chased his last mouse around back. Many times he would bring us one (or half a one) to the back door, so proud of his accomplishment. Our vet wants us to bring him in every week for a B-12 shot, but he hates the car ride so much I am not sure the stress on him is worth it. I think he just wants us to leave him alone now. It hurts again to see the final stages of a life long friendship that has given us so much joy for all these years. I just hope that lil’ Ashes can make one more summer with us all - before he finally gets to join us inside the house in the living room in a box of his own.

It's really not about me.

2009-03-30T20:01:00.002-05:00

It’s really NOT all about me.

I spent a lot of my life acting like the only thing that mattered was what was going on in my life and what I was going to do about it. Sometimes I am sure that I still do that, but I am sure trying to get over myself. A while back I wrote about things I had done to “make her mad.” There were a lot of things that I wrote about, while some other things I had done didn’t make the list. But, I had an email from an interested party asking me to write about some things I have done to “make her smile.” So, to risk some personal embarrassment on my part and some boredom on yours here are a couple of things that come to mind.

My grandmother used to tell me that I cried every day for two years after I was born-she was convinced that I was Satan’s spawn, and the absolute worst baby ever. I don’t remember what all the fuss was about – but I am sure that I was perfectly happy before that Doctor cut my Mom open and dragged me out of that warm, happy place by my forehead and introduced me to the world with a firm slap on my bottom. But, I know that on that special day-my Mom smiled.

My dad’s mother, Nannie we called her, was as friendly as a one could imagine if you lived with a water well in the living room and had to go outside to use the bathroom. Pictures of me as an infant are even scary for me to look at. I mean I looked like a space alien, all pink and wrinkled. I bet Nannie used to make me sleep with a mirror just to watch me cry. I was born all of five pounds and went right back to the incubator after losing a half pound. My dad used to explain to his friends about my weight loss being due to them having me circumcised. Well, it is funny when he tells the story – and that makes my mom smile some, too.

My Nannie’s funeral was the first one I ever remember going to. I don’t remember ever seeing her smile. But, I bet that she did smile when my folks came back to her house and picked me up for the night, with all that crying going on, and all. I guess that that will have to be good enough for me to remember about her.

Since it was all about me until just a few years ago I don’t remember a lot about “doing what’s right” but I’m sure that I didn’t go to jail or get any girl pregnant. I bet that made both my parents smile back then.

Some things you have to learn on your own. Some things you learn by watching other people do it first, even if that observation teaches you what NOT to do – like that time a friend of mine was determined to get him some new shades at the mall with the five-finger discount. I said that I thought that was a bad idea and that I would just wait for him in the car. After about two hours, I figured that he wasn’t getting his ride home from me that day. Sure enough, his ride came from his mom after going to meet him at the Houston police department. Not many people smiled that day, I can tell you that. One of those things that goes on “your permanent record,” I suppose.

Last year when gas prices were so high I was driving home from playing golf at some country club, feeling good about the day. I stopped just inside the Denton county line and was filling my car up. Sure, I check the prices but it isn’t like I’m not going to eat if I fill-er up. As I was watching the dollars on the pump go past $40.00 and not slowing down, an old beater pulls in next to me at the pumps. I watch as “mom” argues with the ungrateful teenage girl about wanting a soda and some snacks while mom digs in her purse for the credit card. I couldn’t help but hear her curse under her breath at the machine because it wouldn’t start working. I asked if she needed a hand and told her to go on inside and get her snacks while I gave it a try. Well, the machine wasn’t going to work for her today, since the machine had declined her credit card. So, while she was inside I put my card in there and got the machine going for her. The ungrateful teenage girl saw what I was doing with my card and just watched without saying a word as I watched her watch me. Mom came out and smiled since I got it going for her and as I put the pump back in the machine, she thanked me for helping. I am sure that after the daughter got her drink down the road a bit, she may have told mom that I paid, but I do remember that poor woman’s smile as I drove away. I sure hope her daughter doesn’t get pregnant soon. Mom has enough to worry about already.

Earlier this year while driving from Ashville, North Carolina to Charlotte I am searching for the Cracker Barrel restaurant to get me some chicken and dumplin’s – my favorite meal of all time. Now, I’m sure that most of you have been to a Cracker Barrel; half store and half restaurant. Great place to snag some “home cooking” while on the road. I’m not talking about diet food here, the good stuff with gravy, rolls and corn bread! This particular day had the place packed as usual with the normal crowd of over-fed locals, and the charter-bus cue-tip-blue-haired crowd on the way south to the river boat casinos. Sitting next to me is an old black man with his WWII Veteran’s hat on, and across from him at another table was one of the Bingo ladies that you could have living on your block. Both, eating alone at different tables. Now, I don’t mind eating alone as I do it all the time when I’m on the road. But, you could see that these nice old folks ate alone because their life’s partner was waiting for them to join them in Heaven. Luck turns out that my waitress was also serving both their tables so I told her that I wanted her to bring their checks to me and to take them both a slice of the fresh apple cobbler and put some ice cream on it, too! I made sure to pay their checks before they had finished eating their meals because these are the kind of folks “that ain’t taking no charity.” I let myself really enjoy my dumplins that day, even if they did cost me about $40.00. I know that as I drove away and as each of them left, they would have a little more pep in their ol’ legs and maybe, just maybe a smile on their face, too.

2009-03-29T12:19:00.001-05:00

The 2009 Grapevine Elk's Lodge Officers were installed on Saturday, March 28th at the Grapevine Elk's Lodge. Dinner was served to about 80 people and after the installation ceremony the group partied with family and friends until the early morning hours to a great band!

Happy Earth Day to the Global Warming Crowd!

2009-03-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

Blue hair or not - get OUT of the left lane!

2009-03-26T15:53:00.003-05:00

People, people, please get out of the left lane!

It isn't just me asking you - it's the LAW here in Texas! The left lane is for passing.

Didn't your mommy tell you it's nice to share? The left lane is for everyone, not just those who get in it first. I know that you like setting your cruise control at five miles as hour below the speed limit so you won't get a ticket, and I'm cool with that. Just MOVE OVER, dammit! Some of us out here sharing the road with you actually have somewhere to be and want to get there as quickly and safely as possible. You are in our way.

Some of you, I know can't help it - you are driving as fast as you can see. I know this because of the white or blue hair you have. It looks like I'm following a cue tip. It must scare the Hell outta you when you see someone right behind you, right? So, move to your right and continue creeping along at 57 MPH in the 70 MPH zone all day and night if you like. We all want you to get to that bingo game in one piece. Good luck, as a matter of fact. I hope you do win that jar of peanut butter at the Moose Lodge.

Others of you act like you are the self-imposed-speed-police. "The speed limit is 60 MPH, so I'm going to go 60 MPH in the left lane all the way to Kansas City! Yes, there is an 18 wheeler right next to me for 37 miles and that way you can't get around us, either. We can all go 60 MPH to Kansas City, thank you." You are the person who causes the road rage because you actually do this on purpose - as your sense of duty as the highway-speed limit-police! People that have to pass you on the right aren't just waving with one finger, OK? Move it, mister!

And, the other group is our F.L.I.'s. That would be the Fu--ing Local Immigrants. This group of people is also doing the best they can, considering this is the first time they are driving anything other than a donkey. They must drive between 40 and 50 MPH on ALL highways, regardless of where they are. Everyone knows they don't have a driver's license or insurance so they poke along and hope not to run into anyone. You know this group because they all drive the 1980 model import that has blue smoke coming out of where the muffler used to be. This person will never move over becuase they don't know they should. You are best to just go around them as soon as you can see past the blue smoke.

Remember-drive Friendly out there, Texas.

holein198 sent you a video: "Candidate Obama vs. President Obama: Change We Can Believe In?"

2009-03-25T16:03:00.002-05:00

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holein198 has shared a video with you on YouTube: Candidate Obama vs. President Obama: Change We Can Believe In? And that's just the first 63 days. http://www.nrsc.org Candidate Obama vs. President Obama
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Pictures

2009-03-25T13:44:00.002-05:00

So, you have money for a cell phone but not food!!??

2009-03-25T12:41:00.001-05:00

First Lady Michelle Obama showed up Thursday as a surprise and welcome volunteer at Miriam's Kitchen, a soup kitchen for homeless poor people not far from the White House.

Can't afford to buy food - not when you have to pay for the new cell phone with camera.....looks like the Blackberry Pearl!

C'mon, MAN!!

C'mon Man!

2009-03-25T11:34:00.001-05:00

C’mon, man!

Although 19 is an OK number, I am annoyed that I have to even consider writing that many things that annoy me - or limit myself to only 19 if I discover more than that. So, with that in mind, I will begin in no particular order with number two.

Children who don’t behave in public. Now, right away you might think that I don’t like kids - and you would be right. But, is it really the little fu**-ers fault that they don’t know how to behave? No, it is the lazy parents out there and you know who you are. Sure, you deserve your time out of the house for a nice meal every now and then. Fine. Take the little booger picker to Chuck-E-Cheese or McDonald’s or some other place so the little snot can hang out with other screamers just like him. The other 25 couples here at the nice adult restaurant want our time out, too. And, we don’t want your kid running around like this is his personal play ground. No, we don’t think it is “cute” how he can climb on the back of the booth and throw sugar packs all the way to my side of the table. You want to know why he is fussy? Probably because it is 9:30 at night and you have him all hyped up on Jelly Beans, Snickers and soda all day and it is his BED TIME – DAMMIT.
Summer Travelers in airport security. I am excited for you that you and your entire family are on vacation, really. But, can we get a move-on! Did you for one minute think about what you are wearing TO the airport and have to go through security? Nice. I love those nineteen piercings you have in your nose and ears. I have nothing better to do than wait while you remove your nipple piercings under your sweater* so the alarm won’t go off for your third try though the metal detector. If you didn’t look like Rosie O’donnell, I even might have tried to watch - or even offer my assistance in their removal. As it is, I just wish you would introduce yourself to some Ban roll-on. Looks like you missed a spot on that forehead there. You probably bowl overhand. Now, get out of our way. We have work to do. *this actually has happened to me.
Now, the summer traveler is ON THE PLANE! Argh! Get your fat ass outta the isle and into your row! Gee, that 30” bag with wheels really won’t fit in the overhead? No, say it ain’t so. Maybe if you just stick it part way in, the flight attendant might fix it for your lazy ass! What, you say? American Airlines doesn’t have diapers for your spawn’s smelly butt? Yes, you ARE supposed to bring something, anything to keep that brat occupied while we fly all the way to Portland, Oregon. Sorry, I can’t help but get pissed off while you do NOTHING as the apple of your eye kicks the back of my seat for the 96^th time in the last half hour. Here, please give him MY vodka. Just have her stop saying, “Momma, Momma, Momma….MOOOMMMAAAAA!” WHAT!!? “No the nice man doesn’t want to play with your cheese doodles, and get them off of his computer, little darling.”
Dude! Can you put those shoes back on!!? Whoa!-Holly Smolly! Those feet stink so bad you could peel the paint right off the wall – I mean my eyes are burning here! And, buy your OWN paper. They are only $.75 at the same place you bought those damn corn-nuts that people can smell up nine rows ahead of us.
Showers are FREE at the hotel. You might try it out next time before you put on that nice undershirt with no sleeves – I like that underarm hair, too. Have you considered having it braided? You could do like Bo Derek in “!0” with that hair. The short-shorts almost hold in that moose knuckle, lady. Good God! The Disney property has a mirror somewhere I am sure! Introduce yourself next time to that vision before you leave for the airport, please. I won’t be able to get that thought outta my head for days.
HANG UP AND DRIVE! This is simple. Why does NO ONE answer their home phones, have caller I.D. so they know who is calling, but has zero problem picking up their cell phone before the A/C has even kicked in the first mile of the trip to the super-market? “What are you doing?” “Nothing, what are you doing?” “Nothing?” “Want to do something later?” “I dunno, do you?” Aaack! Hang up, and move out of the left lane going 50 MPH in the 65 MPH zone!
Hey, lady will you get the coupons out of your purse BEFORE the checker has finished ringing up your items? I have nothing better to do than watch you dig through 55 coupons for tampons, and other feminine products which is obvious that you need right now. And, you could have pulled out that check book, too and have the name of the store filled in, at least. Why are you still writing checks? This is 2009! Ever heard of a check card?
Can you count to 10? The express lines have this BIG sign that says “10 items or less.” No, five boxes of the same panty liner doesn’t count as ONE item. I don’t care if they do have “wings.” And, if I do offer to let you ahead of me, “thank you” is appreciated.
“Here you go” isn’t the response I am looking for after I give you my money at the register! Have you been to ANY training? “Thank you sir, please come again” is what I expect to hear. And don’t tell me, “no problem,“ either. Of course it is no problem. I am the CUSTOMER.
Ladies, learn how to work the toilet seat. If it is up, put it down. Try it. It is easy. I mean, we figured out how to put it UP a long time ago. Not that it matters to us one way or the other. You know, we could just leave it down. Your choice.
The dishes go in the side of the sink that the disposal is NOT. How do you expect US to help around here if you put stuff in the wrong side of the sink? And, put the pointy end of the knives and forks face down! If I get injured just helping unload the dishwasher, I might get discouraged from helping in the future.
Ladies, just tell us what you want us to do! I mean, you really expect us to just KNOW that the carpets “need” to be vacuumed, like, right now during the ball game? Write it down. Put it on a list. That way, when I try to help out around here, I can actually feel manly by killing something off the list. We like accomplishment! Knocking off a list makes us feel good. So, help us out. And, yes – we DO expect you to act like we just found a cure for the common cold when we do something without being told! You know, something like “Wow, honey, you did a GREAT job of folding my panties.”
Learn how to use your turn signal. Here I am waiting to turn right while you are heading my way in the right lane and then you just turn in front of me with no signal. Damn! I could have gone already by the time you farted around not turning on your signal!
Why can’t I have breakfast after 10:30 am? What, you run out of Egg McCholesteral and those square potatoes exactly at 10:30 in the morning?
Do bankruptcy lawyers really expect to get paid? I mean if it wasn’t for lawyers – you wouldn’t need one.
Hey, Jim Adler: Can you stop yelling at me on TV? I don’t care if you are the Texas Hammer – just shut the Hell up. Do ANY of your clients have all their teeth?
Stop yelling at me, part II: Hey, Billy Mays: You can stick a sock in it, too! Like I’m going to buy health insurance from the same guy who has the only product in the world to GLUE my pants back together when my butt pops out after I finally talk the pimple faced kid into selling me a breakfast sandwich at noon. And if that old broad yells, “BINGO” one more time, I’m going to find that blue haired ol’ winch and make her suck down a whole bottle of fiber right now. She won’t get off the toilet for a week!
They are CHRISTMAS TREES! Not holiday trees, holiday cards, holiday decorations, and any other politically correct horsesqueeze! I mean, the late JC is pissed.
All Credit applications accepted! Duh!! It is an APPLICATION! That doesn’t mean you get a loan with that credit score of 550, jackass. Gosh, you mean that time I just moved out of the apartment and didn’t pay my $1200.00 in rent for two months – moved out with NO notice and my kids tore down the walls really matters in the future? Gee, I just thought that the Gov-Mint would give me the money anyway. I want free rent, food, gas just like B.O. promised!! It is only FAIR. WAHHH!! I want my fair share…(insert finger to vomit, here.)
Why are mattresses on sale EVERY WEEK OF THE YEAR? “It is our Christmas in the summer sale.” The lowest prices of the season. Yeah? What season? President’s Day, 4^th of July Sale, Labor Day sale, Little Johnny just took his first poop in the toilet sale! That is my favorite one.
Why don’t you golfers show a little more respect for the course? What, you can’t bend down and fix your divot mark? You think as bad as your game has been all day, and that this is the first green you actually landed on that you would make a point to fix it so everyone else can see! Hey, you! Up there in the group ahead of me? Can you hurry the F---up? Five hours of my life watching your group putt out every-single-two-footer is killing us here! My wife has a LIST of stuff for me to do sometime today! Pick up your feet! The way you are scuffing up the green with your spike marks it looks like you have been square dancing with the fat-version of Oprah!
Bicycle riders who do not obey the traffic laws. So, you flip ME off because I get too close to you on the road built for cars, but then it is OK for you to blast through the RED light up ahead? I also appreciate it when you get a group together and the four of you ride side-by-side during rush hour traffic on a two lane road. No wonder we have road rage. (Sorry Shann – that is probably why you had to have first aid during your last ride.)
Hotel movies are ten bucks? Geez, I only need to watch about 12 minutes of the movie….think they would at least pro-rate the charge for me.
Tell your doctor if you have an Ere----n for more than four hours. Dang! If that happens to me, I’m not telling my doctor - I’m telling EVERYBODY. I don’t know which I dislike more; ads for “that” problem or the one where the guys have so much fun going to the bathroom on their road trip. And, what is up with the TWO bathtubs? You want to get back in the game? Well, you can start by getting her in YOUR tub, mister. I am jealous of the guys who have a prescription for “daily use.”
You Aggies need to sit down when you come to our stadium! Face it; your team is SO bad lately you might not kiss your girl for weeks.
I thought Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon were moving. What are they waiting on?
39 needs more respect on Facebook. Maybe the next list can help 39 out.

I feel better now. Enjoy your day.

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So, you have money for a cell phone but not food!!??

C'mon Man!

By RANDY E. BARNETT
AND ELIZABETH PRICE FOLEY